Wide Winding Paths

Spirituality has always been a big part of my life. I had a very rigid, religious upbringing. The expectation was obedience and I repeated phrases weekly about staying on the “straight and narrow path” and being part of the “one true church”. I wanted to feel connected to the divine, but at some point there were so many middle men between me and the divine, explaining to me that my own feelings were corrupted if they did not align with what my leaders taught me, that I started to feel less connected. I felt less connected to God and less connected to myself. 

I firmly believe that the universe has gifted us innumerable spiritual paths, and that they are as distinct as each of us are. Even believing that, it is uncomfortable at times to be on such a different path than I started on, one that is wide and winding. When I say that it’s uncomfortable, I don’t mean that I am uncomfortable with being on my path independently; I mean that I don’t always know how to present this version of myself to other people. If I talk about reading palms or pulling tarot cards, I wonder if the people that I’m talking to are instantly thinking about a scene from a movie where a woman in giant earrings tells an unsuspecting person that they will die young. How do I explain that, while I do love giant earrings, I’m not trying to tell people their fate- they will get their on their own- I just want to help people find their way with a little more ease? How do I succinctly communicate that I believe all people are just trying to make sure that they are on the right path and that they want to feel understood and supported on that path, and that I think there are guiding forces ready to help us with that if we are paying enough attention. If you look for that guidance in a book, meditation, tarot cards, therapy, astrology, church, angel numbers, etc. you will find it. I have found inspiration and bits of wisdom everywhere, but there are some mediums that resonate with me more easily and I am confident that is a universal truth. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t had the experience of trying to learn something 10 different ways and it didn’t click for them until they tried it the 11th way.

There was a time when I trusted that I had all the answers that I needed spiritually because people that I trusted told me I did. If my questions got too big I was told “doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith”. It was scary at first to have questions and search for answers that could not objectively exist. Admitting that the conclusions I’ve come to about the divine could very well be wrong was unsettling, but now it’s exciting. When I get new information or have a new experience, I have the space to change and expand whereas once I had to get defensive, explain it away, and put it on a shelf because I couldn’t reconcile it with the version of truth I had been taught. Now that my spirituality doesn’t have to fit neatly in a box, I feel free to explore without needing to find any answers at all. May we all find the answers we are searching for or the peace in uncertainty.